Needs to be Said

A man is never so arrogant and small as when he acts the dictator and presumes upon his wife's spiritual duty to be his helpmeet.
~Michael Pearl

For some strange reason, that I have not yet figured out, there is this philosophy or belief that threads itself through Christian and non-Christian families alike, but it's the Christian families who believe it that perplex me the most. The belief is this, that men have some God-given divine right to “rule” over their wives. It has so permeated our Christian culture that those who don't concede to such nonsense are labeled rebellious and disobedient. God is grieved. Still we maintain our “rightness” and ignore what he says.

See, contrary to popular belief, God never gave a man authority over his wife. I know what you're thinking, “But isn't the wife repeatedly told to submit.” (Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18) Yes, but that's just it...the wife is told to submit, but the husband is never told to cause her to obey. So when a husband comes down on his wife with pressure that she is “wrong”, “rebellious”, “disobedient” or and other accusation concerning her submission to him or lack thereof, he is in sin, plain and simple. When men do this, they take upon themselves the role of the Holy Spirit, assuming that the pressure they put upon the women they claim to love is somehow for her good. But as I alluded to in my last post, condemnation kills. Where love and praise bring life to the lifeless, condemnation kills the once willing vessel. See, wives were created to nurture, love and serve, it's in us, we want to do it. But when we are belittled and ruled like mere dogs to have orders barked at us, we shrivel and eventually die. Some women can look past this, to their blessed Savior and submit to unworthy tyrants and great is their reward, but some of us, not so much.

What these men don't realize is that God has asked of their wives more than they will ever be worthy of. No man, save Jesus, deserves another's submission. If men could grab hold of this truth and be truly thankful for the woman God has given them, marriages would be transformed. Respect, obedience, and honor are not something you can demand, you earn them.

I want to submit to my husband, I recognize his natural need to be honored and reverenced. I long to do this for him. But when this same man, whom I love, steps on me, I say, “Ouch.” In Ephesians 5:28-29, God tells men to love their wives as their own bodies, cherishing them. Women need to be cherished. We wither without it.

God has put on my heart lately this great void among believers. See, women have been bombarded with the truth and reality of their role and duty before God to serve, honor and submit to their husbands. Husbands, however, who should be benevolent leaders, cleansing and sanctifying their wives are standing on the sidelines barking and railing at their wives to follow. Did you catch that “standing on the sidelines” part? That means they're not really leading at all. Just pseudo leaders wanting/demanding undeserved honor and obedience. God needs men. Real men he can use to further his kingdom. But God can't use these men. Their prayers are hindered (1 Peter 3:7)...their pride has caused God to turn his face (1 Peter 5:5). God is grieved. Men have been led astray, following Satan's design for leadership and ignoring God's living, breathing example in Jesus. (Ephesians 5:25) It needed to be said.